Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Film & Animation / Student Member Natalie20/Female/United States Groups :iconclumsyclub: ClumsyClub
 
Recent Activity
Deviant for 6 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 1,951 Deviations 8,263 Comments 15,404 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Favourites

Donate

SaturnSirene has started a donation pool!
30 / 9,000
Umm...I forgot how much you need for a premium membership, but it'd be cool if I could have one. If you gave it to me, you'd be the coolest person in the history of ever.

You must be logged in to donate.

Activity


Yeah sorry another rambly one, but 



I think I've honestly never felt less motivated than I am right now, because this project that seems really simple just seems so difficult for me to work on, because it feels pointless. Except it's not pointless, it's two letter grades, so yeah. A part of me wishes I had dropped out of the class earlier, but I know that wouldn't have been good for me, my parents, and that's just not a good mentality to have. I can't really bring myself to care about the project. Not that I'm worried about other things, it just feels like why even bother, because I'm not coming up with anything new or improving anything. And it feels weird to me, because usually, I'll have so many ideas, rush things, try to do it at the last minute, but feel that burst of adrenaline pushing me to try harder for something I know is too overambitious, but at least I'd feel proud of myself for trying. I feel like it would take a lot to discourage me, but lately I kinda just stopped feeling like anything was worth the effort. It doesn't even feel like I've really done much of anything this semester, but i still feel like that. I think generally, everything seems to feel like that. I kind of don't really care about a lot of things anymore. I don't feel much like talking to people, either, and so maybe I come across as stupid/spacey/forgetful/lazy/shy/cold, but oh well. I know I'm not (well, maybe I am forgetful and spacey), but I don't think I really care about that either if I'm not talking to anyone, ha.

On the plus side, today was the first day in over a month that I drew in my own sketchbook. Didn't draw much but hey, I should try to keep myself on track, even if I really want a break from everything. Get away from this town for a week or a month, I wish. Things will be alright. This week has actually been pretty decent, I suppose. The volunteer thing I did last week made me feel good in that I was doing something productive and kinda fun (even if i did feel gross from too much coffee) And once I get done with these stupid final projects, I won't have to worry about figure drawing for a while. Which I really feel horrible saying, because this is what I want to do with my life, but I'm stuck, so. 

The real reason I'm writing this is because I really don't want to work on my project right now, and maybe I shouldn't because it's 4 in the morning. I'm in a better mood than what I probably sound like, but I'm just totally stuck with this and don't feel like working at all. But aside from finals, this week is gonna be better! Except this isn't even the final project (so why is she calling it that?), so there's still more, but it's almost over! 
I applied for summer classes, yaaaaaaaassssssss
it's more than i have now actually, and no figure drawing this time around, but i am gonna take film production, so that might help me out. i'm not gonna really talk about what i'm taking because that's not really interesting, but point is i'll have more to do than what i do now and hopefully my situation will improve, because things right now are rather ehhhhhhhh and i seem to be having a hard time with putting effort into things because the amount of rejection or lack of success or something has finally gotten to me. 

hoping nothing goes wrong with the registration this time, because i've had that happen to me more times than should be.

I don't know if I'll get a job. I'm a professional at Not Getting Hired. If there was a job for that, I'd be suuuuuuuuuper rich and i could buy a new house and a yacht and a house on my yacht and not have to worry about getting a job, because i'd be so rich from my Not Getting Hired abilities, and i could get that vacation i could probably use. 

If that doesn't work out, might do some volunteer things or something. But anyways yeah, looking forward to June but also not looking forward because I don't even want to think about what's going to happen to my house. I should try and look at positives, because life is a bit of a tricky spot for me right now. At least I'll get to see my friends over the summer, and I'll have something fun to do with college. Hopefully I can figure out a longer-term plan for what I can do while I'm still at this college (I'd love to transfer already, you have no idea).

I'm still drawing, believe me, but right now I don't really feel much like posting much.
down n' out by SaturnSirene
down n' out
hi yes natalie is still alive and drawing but doesn't really wanna post much for now so
have this I guess
Loading...
The sale of the house has been postponed until June, so at least I shouldn have to worry much about moving out while dealing with college since I'll be out by then. There's still gonna be people seeing the house and the for sale sign is still there, but yeah. Of course, I'm still trying to plan out what I can do over summer, figuring out what college class I can take and applying for jobs. Luck hasn't really brought about any drastic changes for the better, but things are okay at least. I'm kinda tired of the lack of improvement and just tired in general, but things are gonna be ok, and I still have people who care about me <3, so thank y'all for being here while I deal with all this.
So here's the deal, since I have no idea what's happening to the house and with college being tough, I'm debating what I can do this summer. I can't move out and I still don't have enough credits to transfer to another college, so here's what I'm wondering:

1. Do I take as many summer courses as I can? From what I've looked up, I think I can earn up to 8 credits if I take two classes that fill up most of the day. One of those classes has to be math, the subject I struggle with most, but I'm gonna have to take it at some point. I need two more math classes to transfer. I'm still talking over options with my counselor, but I'm halfway to having enough credits to transfer.

2. This option seems less likely, but maybe I try to find a job over the summer to get some money for myself and work on art in spare time? 

My dad says I should take a little break from college and maybe go for 2, but I'm not sure. When it comes to finding jobs, I tend to be unlucky, seeing as how I've never gotten one before and then the one time I had the chance, I wasn't able to do it. I don't think I can do both at the same time, because if I have even one college class, it takes up 3-4 hours, not mentioning the fact that it's somewhere from 40 minutes to an hour totaling driving there and back. I suppose getting a job in the other town over could also be an option. I think the summer classes are probably the safer bet, but I kind of do want a break from college. With how things are going right now, it's hard for me to focus on anything, and i'm even more stressed out now that i find out about that we have to move out in two weeks. College isn't over for me until June, so now I have to deal with that while I deal with college and this is bad bad bad bad bad. And I know taking a break from art isn't going to help, but I do feel stuck with that too. I'm confused, tired, and worried. 
Yeah sorry another rambly one, but 



I think I've honestly never felt less motivated than I am right now, because this project that seems really simple just seems so difficult for me to work on, because it feels pointless. Except it's not pointless, it's two letter grades, so yeah. A part of me wishes I had dropped out of the class earlier, but I know that wouldn't have been good for me, my parents, and that's just not a good mentality to have. I can't really bring myself to care about the project. Not that I'm worried about other things, it just feels like why even bother, because I'm not coming up with anything new or improving anything. And it feels weird to me, because usually, I'll have so many ideas, rush things, try to do it at the last minute, but feel that burst of adrenaline pushing me to try harder for something I know is too overambitious, but at least I'd feel proud of myself for trying. I feel like it would take a lot to discourage me, but lately I kinda just stopped feeling like anything was worth the effort. It doesn't even feel like I've really done much of anything this semester, but i still feel like that. I think generally, everything seems to feel like that. I kind of don't really care about a lot of things anymore. I don't feel much like talking to people, either, and so maybe I come across as stupid/spacey/forgetful/lazy/shy/cold, but oh well. I know I'm not (well, maybe I am forgetful and spacey), but I don't think I really care about that either if I'm not talking to anyone, ha.

On the plus side, today was the first day in over a month that I drew in my own sketchbook. Didn't draw much but hey, I should try to keep myself on track, even if I really want a break from everything. Get away from this town for a week or a month, I wish. Things will be alright. This week has actually been pretty decent, I suppose. The volunteer thing I did last week made me feel good in that I was doing something productive and kinda fun (even if i did feel gross from too much coffee) And once I get done with these stupid final projects, I won't have to worry about figure drawing for a while. Which I really feel horrible saying, because this is what I want to do with my life, but I'm stuck, so. 

The real reason I'm writing this is because I really don't want to work on my project right now, and maybe I shouldn't because it's 4 in the morning. I'm in a better mood than what I probably sound like, but I'm just totally stuck with this and don't feel like working at all. But aside from finals, this week is gonna be better! Except this isn't even the final project (so why is she calling it that?), so there's still more, but it's almost over! 

deviantID

SaturnSirene's Profile Picture
SaturnSirene
Natalie
Artist | Student | Film & Animation
United States
Yo yo yo dog this be my description. Check it. Word.
Interests

AdCast - Ads from the Community

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconrainbow-nerds:
Rainbow-Nerds Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fave! ^-^
Reply
:iconsaturnsirene:
SaturnSirene Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2014  Student Filmographer
You're welcome! :)
Reply
:iconbluniebieski:
BluNiebieski Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thankies for watching me! :iconcocoloveplz: yay!
Reply
:iconsaturnsirene:
SaturnSirene Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2013  Student Filmographer
You're welcome! :)
Reply
:iconxdelisabeth69:
XDElisabeth69 Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Hey!
Thanks so much for the watch!!! :D
Reply
:iconsaturnsirene:
SaturnSirene Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Student Filmographer
You're welcome!
Reply
:icondergogo:
dergogo Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013
cooles icon OMG. Woah, your art gallery is definitely fantastic! I am a big fan of your artwork. I might share a beautiful song to you in return. [link]
Reply
:iconkianathewarewolf:
KianaTheWarewolf Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Student Filmographer
Thanks for the :+fav: :icontwilightclapplz:
Reply
:iconsaturnsirene:
SaturnSirene Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Student Filmographer
Aw, you know it gurl! :heart:
Reply
Add a Comment: